Do You Think I'll Do Okay? Will You Love Me Too?

On Mother's Day today I am feeling really reflective.  When I was growing up, all I wanted to be was a wife and a mom.  God gave me an incredible husband and more children and in much quicker succession than I knew I wanted.  I wouldn't change a thing.

Another unexpected twist in motherhood happened when Sarah moved in with us.  She launched Parenthood 2.0 and we gained The Bigs.  Beautiful, adult children who God knew we needed to enrich our lives.  I can't imagine how boring our lives would be without Sarah, Sarai, Todd and Shayla,  Josh and finance' Emily, and Kate and finance' Jordan​.  We love them like they're our own and are so grateful to their biological families for sharing them with us.

Crazy how things change so quickly in two years.  We're missing half our crew in this photo!

Kate's bridal shower

Being a Mom is by far the hardest job I have ever done.  I normally shy away from anything that doesn't come naturally to me.  Why waste my time striving toward something I stink at?  But you can't do that with motherhood.  The second I held Grant in my arms, my life and identity changed forever.

Game changer...

I can't tell you how many times I've looked at my crew of Lovelies and thought, "I stink at this.  I have NO idea what to do.  My poor kids got stuck with me as their Mom and I'm failing at this."  I know it's self-defeating and not accurate, but there are moments when our emotions overwhelm the truth.

Today I read a fictional account of what Mary might have thought in those first few hours after Jesus' birth.  She ponders out loud, "Do you think I'll do okay?  Will you love me too?"  It made me cry because I ask myself those same questions all the time.

copyright Jared Whitney

This season of Curt being a full-time doctoral student on top of working a full-time job has been grueling for all of us.  Change is hard to adjust to and it is taking a toll on all of us.  I have repeatedly failed my kids by responding to them in anger instead of love.  With a harsh word instead of kindness.  And yet they continually forgive me.  They choose to still love me.  We're getting through this day by day and are getting stronger because of it.

Copyright Jared Whitney

It takes a village to raise our kids.  I am so grateful for my Mom who has always modeled love to me. I inherited a mom-in-love and a step-mom who both love our entire family.  We fumbled through the growing pains of blending families, but God is so good.  He writes stories of redemption and beauty and second chances and I love all these women so much.

God has given me three sisters-in-love who are wonderful mothers, a slew of incredible friends that are raising incredible kids, and a group of older, wiser women who mentor me and pray for me and my kids.  Each woman models some mothering skill to me that is admirable and encouraging.  We need each other.  Our kids need each other.

My amazing Mom

Being a Mom might be the hardest job I've ever had, but it is also the most fulfilling.  Today my kids let me sleep in, made me breakfast, and presented me with beautiful hand-made gifts, cards, and Instagram posts that melted my heart.  I will treasure them always.  My kids extend grace to cover my failings.  They always forgive.  Always love.  Always make me laugh.  They are some of my greatest gifts.

We have a strong selfie game

Look at all my Treasures.

THANK YOU to each one of you who has joined Curt and I on this journey of raising passionate, Jesus-following, crazy awesome kids.  I am so grateful to each of you for the role you have played in our lives.

Happy Mother's Day!