Sunday, February 7, 2010

Trying Not to Whine

Three years ago on my birthday, Curt walked into our kitchen carrying our 9-month-old daughter and cranked some music on his iPod. He hollered, "It's Mommy's birthday. Everybody head bang," and within seconds my kitchen was full of blonde heads banging to the music. Not one to do things half-heartedly, I exuberantly joined my crazy family until I heard the pop in my neck. I remember thinking to myself, "Well that can't be good," and immediately stopped the party. Two days later, I couldn't stand up straight because of the pain and I had numbness and tingling drifting down my left arm into my fingers. Diagnosis? Two herniated discs in my neck. All from a moment of family fun.

I'm glad now that I didn't know then how this injury would change my life. After the initial eight weeks of a continuous headache and six months of physical therapy, it finally went into remission. But it continues to rear its ugly head and I'm realizing that my moment of craziness will have life-long ramifications. I felt my neck stiffen up again six weeks ago followed by three migraines in two weeks. Got it loosened up again with yoga, stretching and lots of prayer. Thought I had turned the corner when I woke up on Tuesday in pain - the kind I recognized way too quickly and knew would not be a quick fix. And it frustrated me. In spite of my best efforts to get healthy and strong I seem plagued by injuries, old and new, that hinder my goals and force me to deal with pain on a much more frequent basis than I'd choose.

Pain is such an equalizer. No matter our social status, ethnicity or age, pain hurts us all the same. I find myself wrestling with wanting to be a whiner, but knowing I need to suck it up and find something to be grateful for. Quite frankly, I'd prefer to wallow in self pity and misery for awhile, but the life God has blessed me with doesn't allow rest for the weary. My four beautiful children need their mom. My husband, who has been so gracious to pick up the pieces I'm dropping and who is overwhelmingly compassionate, needs his wife. My weekly obligations aren't miraculously disappearing. Life goes on and I can choose to sit and whine or get going.

I read in Psalm 38 today, "My back is filled with searing pain; there is no health in my body. I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart." David's a bit dramatic, but I empathize because I know a trial can be all-consuming. He ends his poem by saying, "O LORD, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior." That's where I am tonight. Asking God to come quickly to help me and trying to thank Him for the character building opportunities that present themselves by going through a trial instead of being removed from one. And for all of our sakes, I'll try not to whine.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Jodi -
    I am so very sorry you are hurting. Let me know if there is something I can do for you.