Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Did That Just Happen?

I went to Physical Therapy today for the umpteenth time for my knee. I've been saying all along that my knee doesn't seem to be making any improvement. It still aches all the time and swells up in the back and there appears to be no rhyme or reason to why. I can sit all day and it hurts. I can be on my feet all day, and it hurts. I still can't do any real cardio workouts because EVERYTHING (even biking) causes acute pain and the doc said I have to stop if there's acute pain. To say I'm frustrated is an understatement.

After another 45 minutes of stretching, analyzing, hmmming, testing and head scratching, my Physical Therapist asked me how I thought I was progressing. When I said, "No offense to your work, but I think I haven't made an ounce of progress," he actually agreed with me. He cancelled my appointment for Thursday and made plans to call my ortho surgeon today to figure out next steps. I felt validated about how I've been feeling, but I left the his office discouraged and forced to cancel my plans to go to the gym because my knee hurt too bad to attempt a workout.

On a whim, at 12:20 this afternoon, I called the neighbor girl to see if she could babysit for an hour while the pool was open for lap swim. I figured floundering around in the pool was better than getting no exercise at all. On the way to the pool, I asked the Lord to have this swim be a productive and encouraging one. For me to have victory over anxiety and fear and to feel some semblance of peace and comfortability in the water. I really needed a good swim as motivation to keep trying.

I got in the pool at 12:40 and had a mere 20 minutes to swim. Pushed off the wall and swam one lap. Then two. Then three. Kept forcing myself to keep going and not stop. Push off again. Find a way to breathe cardiovascularly and fight off those demons in my mind. When I'd start to panic, I'd quote II Corinthians 10:5 in my mind and take my thoughts captive. And God answered my prayer. About 5 laps in, I felt relative peace in the water. I actually swam a lap without fighting off panic and realized I wasn't thinking non-stop about not drowning. Once I realized I wasn't panicking, I'd start again. DUH! At any rate, I managed to swim NINE CONSECUTIVE laps without stopping!!! So in theory, I could swim a sprint tri and not drown. I took a 30 second break, and then swam four more laps, all front crawl, before I got out of the pool at 12:55.

As I showered, I kept thinking, "Did that just happen? Did I really just swim 13 laps in 15 minutes?" Thank you Lord for making progress and giving encouragement, even in the little things!

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