After another 45 minutes of stretching, analyzing, hmmming, testing and head scratching, my Physical Therapist asked me how I thought I was progressing. When I said, "No offense to your work, but I think I haven't made an ounce of progress," he actually agreed with me. He cancelled my appointment for Thursday and made plans to call my ortho surgeon today to figure out next steps. I felt validated about how I've been feeling, but I left the his office discouraged and forced to cancel my plans to go to the gym because my knee hurt too bad to attempt a workout.
On a whim, at 12:20 this afternoon, I called the neighbor girl to see if she could babysit for an hour while the pool was open for lap swim. I figured floundering around in the pool was better than getting no exercise at all. On the way to the pool, I asked the Lord to have this swim be a productive and encouraging one. For me to have victory over anxiety and fear and to feel some semblance of peace and comfortability in the water. I really needed a good swim as motivation to keep trying.
I got in the pool at 12:40 and had a mere 20 minutes to swim. Pushed off the wall and swam one lap. Then two. Then three. Kept forcing myself to keep going and not stop. Push off again. Find a way to breathe cardiovascularly and fight off those demons in my mind. When I'd start to panic, I'd quote II Corinthians 10:5 in my mind and take my thoughts captive. And God answered my prayer. About 5 laps in, I felt relative peace in the water. I actually swam a lap without fighting off panic and realized I wasn't thinking non-stop about not drowning. Once I realized I wasn't panicking, I'd start again. DUH! At any rate, I managed to swim NINE CONSECUTIVE laps without stopping!!! So in theory, I could swim a sprint tri and not drown. I took a 30 second break, and then swam four more laps, all front crawl, before I got out of the pool at 12:55.
As I showered, I kept thinking, "Did that just happen? Did I really just swim 13 laps in 15 minutes?" Thank you Lord for making progress and giving encouragement, even in the little things!