I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. When I took a shower this morning, I realized that one of my original diamonds from my newly refurbished wedding band had fallen out. It had sentimental value and I'm grumpy about being forced to take another trip out to a mall that is nowhere close to my house.
My kids have been D-I-F-F-I-C-U-L-T. Not all of them. Only 1/2 of them. Which leaves me grumpy on many levels. For having to constantly be at 100% to deal with naughty behavior. Resentful for the lack of attention the obedient children get because I'm forced to deal with the naughty ones. Grumpy about the drain on me and how I so often feel like a failure. I told God today, "I think you picked the wrong woman to mother these children. I just don't know if I can be the mom You want me to be. I'm failing them. If this is the new normal, then please restore my joy in parenting because I'm having a hard time finding it lately."
We were late to swimming lessons and I left the van running, side door open in front of the aquatic center while all four Stilp kids race-walked through the pool, leaving a trail of clothes, shoes and towels behind them.
I got the results from the MRI on my knee. Lots of things wrong with my knee, but not a torn meniscus, and now the plan to recovery is blurred in my mind. I was hoping for a quick fix - cut it open, repair it and start running again. Since running is the way I rejuvenate and I can't do it now, I feel trapped, without an outlet or form of release.
I'm tired. Worn out. Discouraged. And grumpy.
But God has given me decent perspective in spite of my circumstances. I had a wonderful talk at the park with a dear friend who brought me a fresh, deli sandwich as a treat and I LOVE treats. The jeweler is taking responsibility for the missing diamond and is covering all charges to replace and repair my ring. I drug the kids on 3 errands after a long day of swimming lessons and a picnic in the park and no one flipped out or pitched a fit. Got stuck in traffic, so I splurged and bought myself another treat: a triple shot cappuccino with a dash of cinnamon. (Be prepared for me to be posting blogs until 3 a.m. tonight.) And a dear friend who we haven't seen in over a month is coming to share dinner, that has yet to be made, with us and that is always a treat.
My friend Kelly posted an exquisite photo on Facebook last night. A brilliant pink flower surrounded by lilly pads in a million shades of green. Camouflaged in the layers of lilly pads, a frog. You couldn't have staged a photo that cool. Another photo showed the location of all that beauty: a skunky little pond. Had Kelly not taken the time to look closely and gain a new perspective, she would have missed the uniqueness and beauty sitting right in the middle of the grime. I feel that way about today. It may have been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, but thankfully God is showing me beauty in the middle of the grime. And as Anne of Green Gables would say, "Tomorrow is a new day. With no mistakes in it. Yet."